There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
