I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize