God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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