I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
