I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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