At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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