I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
