I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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