I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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