My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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