I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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