So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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