overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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