i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
