so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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