there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
