dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
