If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
pray to the hookup gods
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
