i already hear my dad disowning me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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