I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
