i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
