This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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