I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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