What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
