he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
