My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
