I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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