he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
