Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't deserve a penis
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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