i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
