How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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