Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
