porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
