I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
