She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
