I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
