So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
