I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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