Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
