you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
