Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
