I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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