It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
