i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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