she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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