well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
