Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
