Plan B is the new Plan A
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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