I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
