Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize