He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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