i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
