I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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