I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
