Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
