I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
