Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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