So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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