Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
