So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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