True but thats because hes a fetus.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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