If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
