Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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