are you still at the devil's house?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
