only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
