Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
