Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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