I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
