TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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