you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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