We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
