That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize