Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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