She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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