youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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