your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
