i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize