dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
