one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
