just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
