My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
