nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
