I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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