Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
