I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
