My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
