Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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