What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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