Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
