i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
