yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i love accidental penises.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize