its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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