i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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