Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
