Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you win again, gameday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
