Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We talked him into tasing himself.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
