Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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