My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
