I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize