i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Michael Bay diarrhea
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
