Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
