In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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